Geeeze.

Hello there.

It's been a good few months, haha.
Happy turkey day tomorrow.

Well, I obviously don't update this much anymore. Which is a shame, but this year, I'm just so unbelievably busy. I mean, it's just crazy. So if you'd like to still communicate with me and know how my life has been, feel free to add me on myspace.

www.myspace.com/starsxandxboulevards

So what's happened since?
Certainly a ton.

Uhmmm...

Geoff and I are forever done. He hurt me so badly by telling the world my biggest, darkest, most dangerous secret. I don't know how to forgive him for that.
And plus, I started dating this guy named Cory. Two months ago on Friday, actually.

He's just amazing. He makes the past seem like a thousand years ago. It's so perfect, you cannot imagine. skldfjklasjm

Well, anyway, I did the big performance at our local coffee shop. It was fantastic. I feel I did very well, and I'm so proud that I was able to perform in front of a crowd that huge.


I guess that's pretty much it. It's been boring, people.
So add me on Myspace and I'll talk to you later.

<3 M

Happiness indeed!

Ah, hello again!

You're probably going to laugh at what I have to say. Or at least roll your eyes at it. But yes, believe it or not, Geoff and I are back together. We've been talking the past while and the only reason he broke up with me was because we never saw each other. So yesterday, we met up for the first time since then, and wanted to talk about things. We were at the local park, sitting on the swings. We both admitted that we thought it would be awkward, but we were able to just sit there and talk again like old times! He still made his short jokes at my height, I still gave my little remarks about him, he still tickled my sides and poked my stomach...nothing had changed between us at all. After we were only there for a few minutes, a bunch of high teenagers came and sort of took over, so he decided to walk with me the long distance back to my house. Once we reached the corner of my neighborhood street, we stopped. He was like "So, tell me, how are we going to leave things?" and I bit my lip and was like "I honestly don't know. How do you think we should leave them?" He told me that what he wanted should be pretty obvious, and so I said my choice should be too. But the only thing I was worried about was how my friends would react, since he did hurt me so badly by not giving me a good reason. So I was telling him that I was sure, and that I was still so confused. By that point, we had taken a seat on the curb of the street and were just talking. Somehow we got off track as to this one time we got into a fake argument because I said he wouldn't do something that he threatened to do. So then he said "So right now, what would you do if I tackled you?" and I said "You wouldn't!" and then he was like "Okay." so then a few minutes later after we moved onto another subject, the next thing I know, I'm suddenly forced on my back by him and he's pinning my wrists above my head. He leans in and kisses me, the first time in that long period without him, and I nearly wanted to cry out of happiness. We then decided that we were finally going to get back together, just because neither one of us could resist the other. So yes!! I am so damn happy I could just scream.

Other than that wonderful news, nothing else is really new. I'm going on my last few days of summer vacation and I'm depressed about that. But I went to the open house at my school, so I'm a little pumped for the school year. I'm also auditioning for the school musical next week. It's going to be Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. How they made it into a musical, I have no idea, but it is one. So I'm eager to participate.

For now, I have to go. I'll chat again later!

<3 M

Oh, my dear reader.

I feel terrible. I hope you can forgive me for not writing in over a month. This time in my life is so confusing and uncertain that I haven't had much time to do much of anything. Please allow me to take the next few minutes of your time to explain my life in a nutshell.

Not much honestly happened in the first part through the middle of July. Things were smooth, I was content with people I had around me...everything just started to seem to go right. Until July 24. It was a day were I was spending my day with Shelly, and we were just wandering around town. I got the idea "Hey, let's go to Geoff's house and say hi!" so we did, and we were hanging out with him in his garage. Though the instant I saw him, I knew something wasn't right. The look in his eyes was off, and he just seemed a bit unusual. When Shelly and I had to go, all he did was stand up and poke my sides. Nothing as much as a kiss or a hug was passed my way. So as Shelly and I left and walked all the way across town back to her house, I was worrying the entire time. It just seemed so unlike him to not be friendly with me. I eventually began crying out of the fright of him not loving me anymore. She said not to worry and that he was probably just in an awful mood.
But on July 25, my world slipped through my fingers and into the depths of hell. I was talking to him on the computer when we got into a bit of an argument. It ended with him telling me that he needed some time off, and that he wanted to do a few things by himself. I asked if he was breaking up with me, and he said yes. So I was sent spiralling into a place that hurt worse than the scissors I picked up. That night, I carved a small heart into my wrist. A blood made tattoo to remind myself that I will always love him. The heart is still slightly visible today. But I've managed to pull myself through this break up, and I have become closer with some of my friends. I even found out that two other people that I am super close with like me. But then again, they've sort of left me alone for a while...so I'm not sure.

That's about it for July. Now the month of August was quite random, random in the fact that it went by so damn quickly. I still feel like it's August first. No joke at all! So I did end up doing quite a lot. I went to the amusement park with Monica and I faced my fears of upside down rides. I can officially say that I will go on any amusement park ride that there is! That's quite exciting.
I have also had many long conversations with Tyler over the phone. One lasting almost two hours, which was wonderful. I swear that if I didn't have him, and his love, I wouldn't have gotten through this break up at all. Oh, I forgot to tell you about him, didn't I? He's a friend of mine I met online three years ago who now lives in Hawaii. We were supposed to meet this summer but we couldn't because my plans got cancelled, but we still talk and are closer than ever. We've sort of decided that we're meant to be, and that we'll end up together in the future. So I guess it's best we don't meet right away, that way it'll be better when we do.

So now it's the end of August. And I am on my last week of summer vacation. Currently I am depressed. But hey, it happens. Oh, and plus...Geoff and I have started talking again. I'm happy about it. Sure, he'll bring up some of our memories that make me want to cry, but that's automatically going to happen when you're with an ex. He actually told me he misses me. And I miss him too. But I don't think I can let him back into my life in that way quite yet. I'm still healing.

I have also started to do more with my poetry and my song writing. I have done better with the piano and the guitar, so I'm pleased with that. Being away from Geoff has inspired a lot of songs, hehe, so I guess that's the only good thing that came out of this all. I will try and post some of them on here. Only if you want me to? Leave a comment and let me know. Plus, now that school has started and I won't be super busy with summer fun, I'll probably be back to my weekly writing. Hooray!

As for now, I think I best be on my way. I'm so glad to have gotten caught up, and I hope that I will hear from some of you again. Talk to you later!

In the midst of the silence...

Oh, reader.

It does not appear that I am having much action on my blog then, hm? The only thing that really keeps me posting is the fact that I receive comments and people enjoy what I write. Though lately, I haven't gotten any feedback. And it lowers my inspiration by a large amount.

Everything in my life right now is perfectly well, so I don't have much to say. Geoff and I are better than ever, and I'm getting along with everyone just fine. I had a wonderful weekend with my friends and now I'm just enjoying the day to relax while the family and I are having a barbaque.

I'll try and check in later, hopefully a little more inspired, and I'll go into detail on how delightful everything seems. Feedback would make me feel wonderous.

Oh, also, I'm looking for someone who is very good at coming up with melodies for songs. I wrote one, last night, and I cannot come up with a tune for it. Let me know if you're interested in seeing it.

Ciao, and Happy Late Fourth!

<3 M

Nude bodies in the icy lake...

Whoo, hello.

This week was sort of random. Er, VERY random. Father's Day party was fun, the one I went to.
Uh, Monday I went with Anne to a soccer game and we hung out at the park. We got to kick some goals and talk around with the players, which were our classmates, so it was pretty fun.
Tuesday I had voice lessons for the first time. Let me tell you, it was sort of embarrassing. I have allergies, so my voice kept cracking and fading out. My instructor, Miss Gail, just laughed along with me and said it was okay. But still I was quite nervous, for she is the most wonderful singer. So afterwards, my mother took me to the mall and I got banana pants! Ha, they're actually yellow skinny jeans. From Wet Seal. They're awesome, but too long because I'm so short.
Alright, Wednesday I went over to Morgan and Jessie's house. We walked to Gordy's, this family owned restaurant in town, and had milkshakes and fries. We hung out at the elementary school park for a while, then went back to their house.
Now Thursday...so dramatic. It's really quite terrifying. I was talking to Geoff online, and he wanted me to go see a movie with him on Friday. I had plans to go with Anne, so I just said maybe. I was planning on sitting with both of them until this started.
He told me he was going to go with his friend Trevor to the movie and that these two girls from another school would be there, because he was trying to hook one of them up with Trevor and the other up with his brother. I didn't like the sound of him going to a movie without me and with other girls, but I didn't want to bother him, so I just acted like I was okay with it. Geoff thought I meant that I wasn't going to go, so he started saying things like "Well what if one of them offers to do something? It'd be hard to turn down, and I could slip if you aren't there." I completely took that the wrong way, and I thought he meant that he was planning on doing something with another girl. So I started to freak out completely, and I tore up my wrist with the handy razor again that night.
So I get a message on Myspace saying that he was sorry for saying things wrong and that he really didn't plan on doing anything. But I told him just because he mentioned the possibility, my trust was beginning to wear off. He said the only reason he said that thing was that he really wanted me to go and he thought I would have ditched him without being told that information. I started crying then and we both apologized, so things are alright now. (Note: that story is a LOT longer. But I edited a ton to save time and space.)
We went to the movie and all was well, except he didn't seem to be as close to me as usual. I think it was because his friend was there and so was mine, so it was awkward. But I think we're okay.
Alright, Saturday and Sunday, I went camping with Rae again. And we FINALLY went skinny dipping! In the rain! It was amazingly fun. Except these boats kept going by and watching our nude little bodies, so we felt violated. Oh, and also while we were camping, there were these two guys who pretty much stalked us around when we drove the golf cart saying "Hey, ladies" and "You're hot."
They were lame, so eh. We both have boyfriends anyway.
And I finally drove a four wheeler! In the woods! It was all just dandy, until I nearly crashed us into a tree. There's a short story there, but I better go so I'm not wasting your time by babbling.
Oh, I haven't told you about my..friend..Tyler have I? I don't think so. It's so complicated. But he proposes a dilemma that I love, and it's fate. So I'll try and come on tomorrow in my spare time and write an entire entry about him. Or whenever I have time. So keep checking in!

Goodnight, reader!
<3 M

Important link at the bottom of this!

Afternoon, friends!

For some reason it feels like forever and a half since I've written in here. Hmm. It's only been a week though...

Anyways. Let's get on with my week. Saturday I did nothing of interest, so we won't even talk about it, hehe. Beware- This post is horribly LONG!

Sunday...was a very dramatic day. To begin with, Monica came over to my house and we went down into the forest again. We had scissors with us and we opened up the bag, and it turns out the stuff inside looks identical to crystal meth! I have some pictures, but they aren't on the computer yet, and I'm a horribly lazy person. So you'll see them eventually if you'd really like to.
We got back to my house and decided to do a "tick check" to be sure we didn't have any. I being lucky didn't have a single one! But Monica...hahaha, she had two. One was in her hair that she made me get out while she was having a spazz attack, and the other was under her tank top which was under her t-shirt which was under her sweatshirt! How gross is that? Afterwards, we went on the computer and looked up how to identify meth and such just so we could be sure we really found it. Then all of a sudden Geoff signed online and IM'd me. The conversation was as follows:

Him: Sup?

Me: Hey, not much.

Me: Monica's here. You?

Him: Sweet. Nothing here.

Me: Ah. Dude, you won't believe what we found!

Him: Actually, I have to go. But we need to talk!

(Then he signed offline)

So my eyes got all huge and I was like "WE NEED TO TALK!? THAT'S THE BREAK-UP LINE!!!" and Monica was trying to calm me down. She said that it was nothing and that he just meant he wanted to talk with me. Now that really was on my mind the rest of the day, and I just felt so scared. We went to Monica's house afterwards and I called him. Conversation is as follows, with some editing:

"Hey, uhm, you said we need to talk?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice."

"Oh..okay...about..what?"

"Well, it's a conversation I'd rather not have over the phone."

(I began to shake)
"Er...why not?"

"I have to go, sorry, bye."
(And he hung up.)

I went back into the living room with Monica and I just burst into tears. I couldn't figure out why he'd be acting that way unless he wanted to end it. Doesn't it seem like it? Well, reader, I'd rather not admit to this, but after that I went into the bathroom. I found her razor, and well, I cut a few places into my wrist again. But I put a wad of TP on it so it wouldn't bleed onto my sweatshirt.
She and I went outside and just sat for a bit (I didn't tell her I did that), but then I got the courage to call him back. I said that if he needed to say something in person that he was to meet me at the top of our largest park in town, which was conveniently across the street from Monica's. He agreed and met me there. So when I saw him, I was so terrified...and reader, it was just like a movie. The instant he came, it started to pour rain, so we sat on a bench in the park in the rain showers. It turns out, all he needed to talk to me about was whether or not a summer relationship would work or not. I asked him if he wanted it to and he said that he would love for it too, but he was just questioning it because we hadn't seen each other since school had gotten out and apparently he missed me. I was in shock, and like "That's ALL this was about!?" and it was, so I pretty much had heart failure from relief that he wasn't going to break up with me. He looked into my eyes and noticed I had been crying, and then we started hugging, and he apologized for making me wait to hear news. He asked if I was okay, and I said "I guess, but I'll keep my sleeves down." I shouldn't have said that because then he lifted them up and saw the cuts, and he got even more upset. I guess he felt really bad about driving me enough to do that. So we set things straight and then he had to go to baseball, and after one more kiss, we parted. I'm so glad it was just that.

Wow, whew, Monday was nothing special. I stayed over at Monica's house two nights in a row. Yippee, right?

Ooooh, Tuesday at Monica's, Geoff came over for the movie thing. (Jared couldn't make it.) So we watched the movie "Se`ance" and stuff. When Geoff and I left, he walked me home, and we had a deep discussion. I finally confessed to him why I didn't want to do those sexual things with him at this age...and you know what he said? (quote)"I understand that. Don't worry, I'll wait until you're ready. And I wouldn't care if that was ten years from now!"
I'm so relieved! Now I can stay pure AND still have him!

Alright, I'm trying to shorten this up, so we'll skip the boring two days.

Friday (yesterday) I went over to his house in the morning/early afternoon to be with him before I went camping with Rae for two days. Not much happened at his house, just the usual hugs and kisses and conversations.
Camping was a blast. It was only like, 50 degrees outside, so no one was swimming at the lake. Being the weird people we are Rae, Myrissa, Brooke, and I all decided to go in the water. The instant I stepped in, I regretted it, because I bet the water was at the freezing point! I swear on my life, it was that cold! But we swam anyway, and we swam all the way to the middle of the lake where it was like, 100ft deep. I swear, I was so cold and I couldn't feel a single part on my body. Now I know what the poor people from Titanic had to go through. :O
We went swimming again today in the morning and it was probably colder. But we left and I got home this afternoon.

Whew! That's it! I'm done! There was my week in a nutshell!

Ooh, so anyway, the important link--

www.quizilla.com/users/Musical--Heart

That's my Quizilla page where I have my poems and my novel, Morning Frost. I said I would give you guys the link in time and so here it is! Please, read through my things, and let me know on what you think!

I'd better leave now so I can work on chapter eighteen.
Oh, and Happy Father's Day to your dad's tomorrow!

<3 M

"We found drugs!" says Anne

Hello, there!

I'm finally out of school, and it's officially the summer of 08! Let's hear a big HOORAY!

Well, if you read my last post and you're curious, I've decided to stick with my gut and not do any dirty things. Besides, Shelly and I made a vow not to anyway.

Well, hmm, the school week was boring until the last day. Everyone was counting down until the bell rang, and so we all got very excited when boarding the buses. I had Anne come home with me for the afternoon, because then we were going to stay over at Shelly's. So while we were waiting for Shelly to get back from her dentist appointment, Anne and I went for a walk in the forest next to my house. I got some really beautiful photos of the forest and this little river, so I was pleased with that. Everything was finally blooming, including all the beautiful flowers. [See the first and last pictures above.]
Well, anyway, we began to walk up this terribly steep hill loaded with pine trees and fallen branches. I fell quite a lot, since I'm not a good hiker, but we still made it surprisingly to the top. I was ahead of Anne, so when I got to the top and saw it, I was like "Whoa...." and so she said "What?!" and I pointed. There before us stood some rusty, creepy old abandoned shed. Now that probably doesn't sound at all weird, but trust me, it is. Why, you might ask? Because it's in the middle of freaking nowhere! There's no other building around here, or anything. Just a random shed. We looked inside, and there was a pile of something in the middle but it was too rusted over and covered with dirt for us to tell what it was. [See the second picture above of Anne peeking inside.]
So if that wasn't weird enough, when we came down the hill, we went to the other side and found these tree branches that were perfectly arranged in this scary looking tower. I wish I had a picture to show you guys, but my camera died right about then.
And just before it died, I looked at the base of a tree and saw some rope with two mysterious objects. They were bags of something, though they look like bean bags, and so I thought they were bean bags. But then I poked it with my foot, and there's something much more solid than beads or whatever inside. Dude, they were so heavy, it took quite an effort to raise them with our feet. I really don't know what's in them, but Anne thinks it's drugs. And I guess that's a possibility, seeing all the beer bottles lying around the area too, but still, who knows. We're going to go back down there again shortly, though armed, and we're going to open them up. [The bags are the third picture above.]

So yes, we went to Shelly's, and the following day (yesterday) we had a party at our friend Spencer's house to go to. It was really fun, and hehe...it went from eight to midnight, so we were playing night games outside. Since where I live is the rainiest place on the planet, it had rained that day, so there were puddles literally soaking his lawn. It was dark, and none of us could see them, so we all got soaked running around. I was wearing my red high tops, and well, they got soaked to the top. And Shelly lost her shoe in a puddle of mud, and that was ultimately hilarious. But all in all, it was a good time.

I didn't do diddly squat today. I was waiting for Monica to call me to hang out at her house, because we were going to rent a movie and watch it together and have Geoff and Jared (her honey) over. But no, Monica never called, and when I called her, there was no answer the entire day. So I'm a bit pissy now.

Well, enjoy the photos, and now I'm on summer vacay, I'll post a bit more frequently. Ciao!

<3 M